OPENING LETTER

Dear Alexa, Jackie, Ryan, and Kyle,

As I write this letter, I’m about six months removed from a trip to Nepal, where I had the opportunity to explore Kathmandu and trek through the Khumbu region to Everest Base Camp, staying in the villages along the way, visiting monasteries, and witnessing the incredible beauty of the Himalayas. I found Nepal to be a spiritual place, and I was fortunate to share the journey with some wonderful travel companions: a group of fifteen people who started the trip as strangers but became close friends as the wonders and trials of the expedition unfolded. The entire adventure was a magical experience that made a deep impact on me. In part, this was because the trip provided a unique opportunity for personal growth and time for reflection. Pulling myself out of my everyday routine, unplugging, living simply, and spending an extended time in such an immersive environment helped quiet my mind and create a rare chance to examine my life from a different perspective—as if I was outside looking in.

When I reflect on my professional life to date, I could say that I’ve achieved success by almost any objective measure. And while I can take pride in what I’ve accomplished, I have come to realize that professional achievements, regardless of how grand, do not provide as much personal fulfillment as most people would expect. My vocation has been a part of my self-identity for a long time, but that part fades and seems less relevant with each passing day. I now know that work-related attainments and material possessions are a byproduct of what I’ve done as opposed to who I am, and I appreciate more than ever that other things in life are far more important.

I have so much to be grateful for. Yet when I reflect back on my life to this point, it is being a father that stands out as the most precious gift I’ve ever received. I take so much pride in who each of you has become. I’ve supported you and watched with wonder as you’ve grown into beautiful young adults, and yet I am reluctant to take much credit for that. In my eyes, you’ve all blossomed from within, and it’s been a blessing to witness. 

Parenthood. It’s a privilege and responsibility unlike any other. The opportunity to be a father and stepfather, while not always easy, has brought me more joy and purpose than anything else in life. For a mother or father, time with our children is precious and fleeting. It’s beautiful. It’s fulfilling. It can also be painful, confusing, and overwhelming. While I’ve done the best I can to be a good parent, I can be my own worst critic. As is the case for most parents, I sometimes find myself filled with doubt and wishing I could have done more for you. That I could have been better. 

One of the greatest and most unfortunate ironies of parenthood is that for many of us, the most valuable lessons are learned in the later stages of life, after our children are already adults. It might seem strange to you, but when we become parents and welcome our children into the world, we are in many ways still kids ourselves—trying desperately to figure out life at the same time we’re frantically navigating the challenges and responsibilities of parenthood, all the while maintaining a facade so that it will look like we know what we’re doing. But despite any efforts to mask it from others, the messiness, confusion, and struggles are real, and everyone experiences them.

Over the course of my life and career I’ve suffered hardships and failures, and made so many mistakes: as a parent, as a spouse, and as a human being. Fortunately, such experiences can have a positive aspect—they teach us lessons. They plant seeds from which a garden of wisdom can grow. As physician and author Larry Dossey observed, “The garden is a metaphor for life. It is a place of potential, beauty, abundance, challenge, and transformation. Gardening is a symbol of the spiritual path. It teaches us about patience, perseverance, and the importance of nurturing our own growth.” At this stage in my life, I’ve embraced the cultivation of my own metaphorical garden. I am open. I pursue understanding and truth. I find myself more introspective and contemplative, and I seek spiritual growth and enlightenment. I have learned to tend my garden with great care, breathing new life into dormant seeds while also planting new ones. I water the seeds by reflecting on and learning from my experience. I strive to keep my garden healthy, weeding out what’s detrimental, and diligently laboring to transform the trials and tribulations of my life into something beautiful: a garden of wisdom that I can share and, in doing so, perhaps bring a touch of goodness into the world. 

The experiences I’ve had and the mistakes I’ve made are a part of me. They have shaped me and made me who I am today, and I have nothing but gratitude for that. There is little value in harboring regrets, other than perhaps that they can serve as a reminder of what we can do better moving forward. And that brings me back to my trek, and the nascence of this book. During my time in Nepal, I experienced a number of moments that I would consider to be transcendent. It started with a breath-work exercise led by one of the trip’s orchestrators, Mike Posner, that triggered a powerful emotional response. This was followed by other interactions and trials over subsequent weeks that touched me deeply in different ways. None of these things were expected. I did the trek because I wanted to learn about the Nepali culture and witness the majesty of the Himalayas. And while the culture and sights certainly didn’t disappoint, it was the people, challenges, and spiritual aspects of the trip that were most profound. In its totality, the journey was life changing, and out of it came a clarity of purpose and direction that included a conviction to write this book. I realized that it’s not too late to share with you some of the most meaningful life lessons I’ve learned so far. To impart some of the knowledge and wisdom that I have accumulated. To give you a tour of the garden I’ve been cultivating. 

I want you to know that I love you very much, and I couldn’t be prouder. It’s a pride that’s rooted in who you are at your core, and not in what you do. That will never change. Each of you has a unique energy and light that shines from within and brightens the world around you. Thank you for being you—I’m grateful for you beyond measure. This book is my gift to you. A gift that was born in one of the most magical, spiritual places in the world. A gift that I am thankful to have the opportunity to share. Life can be so wonderful. But it can also be hard. It can be messy and difficult to navigate. I know you’ve already faced plenty of challenges, and I know there will be many more to come. It is my sincerest hope that you’ll pull something of value from this book that helps you along the rest of your journey.

In the chapters that follow, I’ll share a curated collection of personal life experiences. Things that have shaped me and helped me to grow. Seeds from which my garden has emerged. In each case, I offer my humble reflections, what I learned, and what I want for each of you. If even one of the stories, lessons, or offerings of advice makes a positive difference in your life, then this book will have fulfilled my greatest wishes, and I will consider it an unqualified success. 

Welcome to my garden.

Dad/Brian 2023